Last year around this time, I trundled up to the United Nations to meet with the then-Iranian President, Ebrahim Raisi. He was subsequently killed in a helicopter crash, triggering an election and the choice of this year’s Iranian President, Masoud “no helos, please” Pezeshkian. So back I went to the United Nations to see what was behind door #2.
As I told you last time, I am always of two minds about meeting with the Iranian leadership for so, so many obvious reasons:
Not to speak of October 7, Hezbollah, Hamas, Houthis, nuclear weapons, Russia, etc. Anyway, long story short, I went. You learn more talking to the enemy than simply writing and reading about the enemy. And I learned a lot.
Perhaps the most important thing I learned is that Iran’s talking points sounded familiar. VERY familiar. Earlier this summer, DNI Avril Haines said that Iran was contributing to and supporting antisemitic campus protests around the nation. Hearing Iran’s message from the proverbial horse’s mouth, there was little difference from what we hear at Harvard and Columbia. Iran has upped its propaganda game and it shows. More on that later.
The meeting with Pezeshkian was under Chatham House rules, so I can recount details, but not attribute them. So, here’s the scene. Two rounds of security, a complete bag check, a wand check, and a waiting room that was, unlike last year, full to the gills. Weirdly, bagels and lox were being served.
Last year, the meeting took place on the anniversary of Mahsa’s murder, and the crowd was very thin. Indeed, my colleague Michael Rubin and I were among the very, very few non-crank, non-convicted-pedophiles. This year, that was far from the case, though the crank quotient was still high. But there were lots of other mainstream attendees — ex-State Department officials, real think-tankers, real ex-journalists, real international consulting types. Many were glad-handed by the ever-unctuous ex-foreign minister, now vice president, Javad Zarif, who warmly held only the mens’ hands as he joyfully reunited with his American shills. And then, of course, there were a few escaped-from-the-asylum types who are always drawn to the Iranians.
Even the crazy this year was more muted, however. Two stand-outs were a formerly serious, formerly somewhat normal, quite famous professor who has gone batshit — anti-American, anti-Israel, conspiracy theorizing, eyes glittering, gaaaaah. (It was almost sad.) And another guy who spent a lot of time blessing the Iranian President, who was not sneezing. Rubin, needless to say, was active in his WhatsApp commentary, offering me five bucks to ask Pezeshkian what prayers he utters before boarding a helicopter. (As he offered me $20 last year, I’m thinking Rubin might need a GoFundMe for his ventures, just saying. And I didn’t ask.) But enough scene setting.
Pezeshkian is a trade up from Raisi: Smarter, smoother, less ranty, and more approachable. And I want especially to emphasize the heart of his messaging, because you will recognize in it the heart of the New York Times, Financial Times, and other elite intellectual bastions’ messaging on Israel. First, he didn’t waste time with the antisemitism, and uttered the word “Zionist” once, more than an hour in. He had tested his approach with his Washington friends in private meetings (yes, we know who sees Team Tehran one-on-one), and he wasn’t going to waste points with college-level trolling. Second, he wanted us to know something: Iran does not want war. Iran hates violence. If the Palestinians want to make nice with Israel, that is their call.
Israel, you should know, wanted the hardliner to win the Iranian elections, so it could tell the world it was right about Iranian intransigence. But they didn’t get their wish, and Mr. Softie, Uncle Masoud, was the victor. He is well aware Iran needs reform, and he is the man to reform it.
Israel wants to drag Iran into a wider war, but the pacifists that run Iran are too committed to their healing message: No one wins in a war. If there is a peace to be had, Iran will do nothing to risk it. So, yes, Israel killed the top Hamas terror master in Tehran, and tested the Ayatollahs. But they were strong, they did not take the bait.
Iran does not want nuclear weapons. Iran just wants to give voice to the voiceless. Iran wants only dignity. Iran would even come back to dialogue with the United States. Sure, the Supreme Leader is very, very angry about bad, bad Donald Trump pulling out of the JCPOA, but Pezeshkian believes only in dialogue. He will fight to make peace, even with the Supreme Leader.
Other stuff you didn’t know: Iran is “diverse.” Iran is committed to reform. There are Sunnis and Kurds in senior government positions. Together, this DEI meets intersectionality meets kumbaya mix wants to overcome challenges in Iran. It’s beautiful.
Why is Iran in an axis with China and Russia? Because it must survive. Why is Iran arming Russia against Ukraine? (The nutty professor answered this one for Pezeshkian.) Because NATO has trapped the Russians with its expansionist aims.
This was true alt-world stuff, uttered with complete conviction, more in sorrow than in anger. Zarif often stared lovingly at Pezeshkian, and rightly so. This guy is Mr. Smooth in addition to being Mr. Softie. I couldn’t believe they didn’t give me a stuffed Ayatollah as swag to take home. (They gave us a book, I kept it.)
How effective is the Pezeshkian approach? Check it out:
Sky News wrote this headline: “Hezbollah has been provoked like never before by Israel and may be tempted to unleash its firepower” (Yes, they deleted it.)
Here’s the New York Times: “Iran has so far refused to be goaded by Israel into a larger regional war that its supreme leader, Ali Khamenei, clearly does not want, analysts say.”
Here’s the New York Times again: “Tensions between Iran and Israel have spiraled after an Israel’s attack on Iran’s Embassy compound in Damascus and the assassination of Hamas’s political leader in Tehran.” Uh, October 7? Hezbollah missile attacks? Houthis?
Here’s Washington think tank The Stimson Center: Israeli Actions Push Iran Closer to Nuclear Weapons
There’s tons more, just google “Israel pushing Iran to war.”
What has happened to the world that anyone can credibly suggest that Israel — the tiny Jewish state — is to blame for the aftermath of the October 7 attacks? What has happened to the world that Iran can play the victim and not be laughed off the stage? You know the answer to that.
Under Chatham House rules? Oh well. I think you interviewed a puppet. Find the real power in Iran and it's not the elected. Was Zarifs' best friend John Kerry in line?
The new demonic Goliath in the world, AKA Israel, is threatening the peace loving Muslim nations who are merely seeking a passive solution for their Palestinian pawns.
Iran wishes to be portrayed as the leader of this mission.
Yes, indeed the world has gone utterly MAD.
If climate chaos does not send the planet back to molten lava, we will step up to the task by our destructive geopolitical actions.
Shame on humanity.