#WTH: The unbearable nothingness of Kamala

An edited version of her speech

Jennie Bick

You know that aisle at CVS and Walgreens, the one full of cards with pre-conceived sentiments? “So sorry for your loss.” “Congratulations on the new baby!” And you know those friends who buy those cards, give them to you, and don’t write anything other than their name, because Hallmark has said it all? Meet Kamala Harris, the Hallmark president.

This, in her own words, edited down for space (but not substance), is what she said at her big coronation at the Democratic National Convention:

Kamala loves her “most incredible husband,” he is “an incredible partner.” She is “filled with gratitude.” Tim Walz is “going to be an incredible vice president.” Kamala’s “mother was 19 when she crossed the world alone.” Her “early memories of our parents together are very joyful ones.” She lived in a “beautiful, working-class neighborhood of firefighters, nurses and construction workers. All who tended their lawns with pride.” They were good people and “instilled in us the values they personified — community, faith and the importance of treating others as you would want to be treated. With kindness, respect and compassion.”

She saw people fighting for justice and “at a young age, I decided I wanted to do that work.” Indeed, that’s “one of the reasons I became a prosecutor: to protect people like Wanda.” “As a prosecutor, when I had a case, I charged it not in the name of the victim, but in the name of the people.” “Every day, in the courtroom, I stood proudly before a judge and I said five words: Kamala Harris, for the people.”

Do you realize that “with this election, and — and with this election, our nation — our nation, with this election, has a precious, fleeting opportunity to move past the bitterness, cynicism and divisive battles of the past.” “I will be a president who unites us.” “I stood up for women and children against predators who abused them.” “I stood up for veterans and students.” “I fought against the cartels who traffic in guns and drugs and human beings.” “We never gave up. Because the future is always worth fighting for.”

Donald Trump is an enemy of all that is good interval.

Back to Kamala. Did you know that “this is personal for me. The middle class is where I come from. My mother kept a strict budget. We lived within our means.” That’s why “we will create what I call an opportunity economy.” “I will bring together labor and workers and small-business owners and entrepreneurs and American companies to create jobs.” “We will provide access to capital for small-business owners and entrepreneurs and founders.”

Remember, Donald Trump sucks. The worst!

“I’ve traveled across our country, and women have told me their stories. Husbands and fathers have shared theirs.” Again, “let me be clear, after decades in law enforcement, I know the importance of safety and security, especially at our border.” “I refuse to play politics with our security.” “We must also be steadfast in advancing our security and values abroad.” “As commander in chief, I will ensure America always has the strongest, most lethal fighting force in the world. And I will fulfill our sacred obligation to care for our troops and their families.” “I will make sure that we lead the world into the future on space and artificial intelligence. That America, not China, wins the competition for the 21st century and that we strengthen, not abdicate, our global leadership.”

Also, “now is the time to get a hostage deal and a cease-fire deal done.” “What has happened in Gaza over the past 10 months is devastating. So many innocent lives lost.” “President Biden and I are working to end this war.” “I will never waver in defense of America’s security and ideals.”

And remember, “in unity, there is strength.”

I’ve written my share of speeches, but never have I written something so devoid of content, so lacking in substance, so completely and totally AI-generated pablum. Dear American people: The substance of Donald Trump is well-known, and there’s a lot not to like. But I’ll say one thing about the man: He says stuff. I don’t like it all. I don’t agree with it. Some of it is crap. But none of it is this vapid nonsense.

if Kamala doesn’t tell us who she is, there are two options: She is something that should concern us; or there is nothing there at all. Either way, there is no card in the Hallmark aisle for the problem that confronts us.